Self-Diagnosis Test

40 Questions for Self-Diagnosis as Sex and Love Addict

The following questions are designed to be used as a tool to identify possible signs of sex and love addiction.

While not an absolute tool of diagnosis, these short, to-the-point questions have often proved to be effective as a prompt of self-diagnosis. We appreciate that the diagnosis of sex and love addiction is a matter that needs to be both very serious and very private. We hope that these questions will prove useful in recognizing patterns linked to obsessive or compulsive sexual behavior.

  1. 1) Have you ever tried to control how much sex to have or how often you would see someone?
  2. 2) Do you find yourself unable to stop seeing a specific person even though you know that seeing this person is destructive to you?
  3. 3) Do you feel that you don’t want anyone to know about your sexual or romantic activities? Do you feel you need to hide these activities from other friends, family, co-workers, counsellors, etc?
  4. 4) Do you get “high” from sex and/or romance? Do you crash?
  5. 5) Have you had sex at inappropriate times, in inappropriate places, and/or with inappropriate people?
  6. 6) Do you make promises to yourself or rules for yourself concerning your sexual or romantic behaviour that you find you cannot follow?
  7. 7) Have you had or do you have sex with someone you don’t (didn’t) want to have sex with?
  8. 8) Do you believe that sex and/or a relationship will make your life bearable?
  9. 9) Have you ever felt that you had to have sex?
  10. 10) Do you believe that someone can “fix” you?
  11. 11) Do you keep a list, written or otherwise, of the number of partners you’ve had?
  12. 12) Do you feel desperation or uneasiness when you are away from your love or sexual partner?
  13. 13) Have you lost count of the number of sexual partners you’ve had?
  14. 14) Do you feel desperate about your need for a lover, sexual fix, or future mate?
  15. 15) Have you or do you have sex regardless of the consequences (e.g. the threat of being caught, the risk of contracting herpes, gonorrhea, AIDS, etc)?
  16. 16) Do you find that you have a pattern of repeating bad relationships?
  17. 17) Do you feel that your only (or major) value in a relationship is your ability to perform sexually, or provide an emotional fix?
  18. 18) Do you feel like a lifeless puppet unless there is someone around with whom you can flirt? Do you feel that you’re not “really alive” unless you are with your sexual/romantic partner?
  19. 19) Do you feel entitled to sex?
  20. 20) Do you find yourself in a relationship that you cannot leave?
  21. 21) Have you ever threatened your financial stability or standing in the community by pursuing a sexual partner?
  22. 22) Do you believe that the problems in your “love life” result from not having enough of, or the right kind of sex? Or from continuing to remain with the “wrong” person?
  23. 23) Have you ever had a serious relationship threatened or destroyed because of outside sexual activity?
  24. 24) Do you feel that life would have no meaning without a love relationship or without sex? Do you feel that you would have no identity if you were not someone’s lover?
  25. 25) Do you find yourself flirting or sexualizing with someone even if you do not mean to?
  26. 26) Does your sexual and/or romantic behaviour affect your reputation?
  27. 27) Do you have sex and/or “relationships” to try to deal with, or escape from life’s problems?
  28. 28) Do you feel uncomfortable about your masturbation because of the frequency with which you masturbate, the fantasies you engage in, the props you use, and/or the places in which you do it?
  29. 29) Do you engage in the practices of voyeurism, exhibitionism, etc., in ways that bring discomfort or pain?
  30. 30) Do you find yourself needing greater and greater variety and energy in your sexual or romantic activities just to achieve an “acceptable” level of physical and emotional relief?
  31. 31) Do you need to have sex, or “fall in love” in order to feel like a “real man” or a “real woman”?
  32. 32) Do you feel that your sexual and romantic behaviour is about as rewarding as hijacking a revolving door? Are you jaded?
  33. 33) Are you unable to concentrate on other areas of your life because of thoughts or feelings you are having about another person or about sex?
  34. 34) Do you find yourself obsessing about a specific person or sexual act even though these thoughts bring pain, craving, or discomfort?
  35. 35) Have you ever wished you could stop or control your sexual and romantic activities for a given period of time? Have you ever wished you could be less emotionally dependent?
  36. 36) Do you find the pain in your life increasing no matter what you do? Are you afraid that deep down you are unacceptable?
  37. 37) Do you feel that you lack dignity or wholeness?
  38. 38) Do you feel that your sexual and/or romantic life affects your spiritual life in a negative way?
  39. 39) Do you feel that your life is unmanageable because of your sexual and/or romantic behaviour or your excessive dependency needs?
  40. 40) Have you ever thought that there might be more you could do with your life if you were not so driven by sexual and romantic pursuits?
  41. (valid email required)
 

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(Sending a copy of this completed form to yourself is recommended for your own records. Your answers and email address will be regarded as anonymous and will not be saved or used for any S.L.A.A. material in the future.)

If reading through these questions has brought home to you the fact that your sexual activity, romantic behaviour, or emotional involvements may be suspect, what now?

First of all, rest assured that you are not alone – that many of us have lived out addictive patterns highlighted by these questions, and have found recovery through Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous.

If there are regular S.L.A.A. meetings in your area, attendance at these meetings will bring you into contact with recovering sex and love addicts. If you live in Singapore, and wish to attend an S.L.A.A. meeting, you can find out more about attending our meetings here.

In the event that you know of no such meetings, we encourage you to write to S.L.A.A. Singapore or to visit the S.L.A.A. FWS website for information on locations where meetings exist. In response, you will be forwarded whatever meeting information we have for your area, or the S.L.A.A. contact person nearest your location.

Above all, know that recovery is possible, and that a path to recovery does exist which can be shared.

Excerpted ©1985 The Augustine Fellowship, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, Fellowship-Wide Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved.